How to Move In Together Without it Ending in Murder
So, you want to move in together. You’re head over heels and feel as if your innards transformed into warm, sugary rainbow goo. Cut to six months later… It’s not like you’re unhappy that you moved in with the love of your life… it’s just that you’d rather them not do the dishes, laundry, etc., the way they do…
Avoid all those annoying, mind-numbing, stupid (because they are stupid) fights about dishes, quirks, and more, by addressing your daily routines with your love before you move in together.
1. Talk about your stuff
If you decide to move in with your partner, you’re going to have to live with his stuff, too. Yes, all those old posters, chipped glassware, and cat-scratched chairs are now yours! And don’t forget about your crap: He’s going to have to embrace your LPs, lava lamps, and beauty crap, too. Living with someone means embracing their style. You don’t have to love it, and you certainly don’t have to display the stuff each of you hate in the main rooms, but you do have to embrace it.
2. Talk about your daily routines
If you’ve been dating for a while, you probably already know your partner’s little quirks. Maybe she sleeps at an angle, or perhaps she has to spend 30 minutes in silence every morning while she connects to her soul. You probably don’t get any of it, but you best realize that those routines are here to stay. If you have any issues with her daily routines, talk to her about them. A compromise can often be struck.
In addition to addressing your partner’s routines, you two should probably make a few new routines. Make a cleaning and cooking schedule so no one feels like they’re doing all the housework.
3. Talk about your quirks
So, you say you’re normal… I don’t buy it. I’ve never, ever lived with a person who doesn’t have some weird quirk that doesn’t get on my nerves. Recognize that if your partner does this “little thing” that drives you up the wall (like obsessively cleaning, checking the locks, forgetting to turn the light off in the bathroom…) they are probably going to keep doing those things once you live together.
If your love has a quirk that drives you a bit nutty, talk about it in a compassionate way. While he still may indulge this quirk on occasion, he’ll at least know that his actions may be frustrating to you, and he can curb what’s he’s doing. Sometimes the smallest amount of acknowledgment and change can make formerly annoying quirks endearing… eventually.
And last, but not least:
If you and your partner don’t talk about bills, payment schedules, and debt before you move in, you are going to run into problems… big problems. Couples who don’t address money issues head-on inevitably fight. Clear up who is paying for what before you sign the lease.
Do you have any suggestions about how to live with your partner with ease? When did you move in with your partner? Was it difficult?
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