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21 Funny Father’s Day Quotes Your Dad Will Love (Promise!)

22 Funny Father's Day Quotes Your Dad Will Love (Promise!)

Funny Father’s Day quotes that dad of yours will enjoy. No, but seriously.

  1. “There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.'” -Jim Gaffigan
  2. “I found out that I’m a pretty bad father. I make a lot of mistakes and I don’t know what I’m doing. But my kids still love me. Go figure.” -Louis C.K.
  3. “I want my son to wear a helmet 24 hours a day. If it was socially acceptable I’d be the first one to have my kid in a full helmet and like a cage across his face mask.” -Will Arnett
  4. “Having a kid is like falling in love for the first time when you’re 12, but every day.” -Mike Myers
  5. “Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” -Jon Stewart
  6. “My sisters and I can still recite Dad’s grilling rules: Rule No. 1: Dad is in charge. Rule No. 2: Repeat Rule No. 1.” -Connie Schultz
  7. “Having children is like living in a frat house—nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” -Ray Romano
  8. “My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.” -Bob Odenkirk
  9. “Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets.” -John Kinnear
  10. “My father only hit me once—but he used a Volvo.” -Bob Monkhouse
  11. “I have always had the feeling I could do anything and my dad told me I could. I was in college before I found out he might be wrong.” -Ann Richards
  12. “By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” -Charles Wadsworth
  13. “Just once on Father’s Day I wish my kids would give me a #1 Dad mug instead of one with my actual ranking.” -Andy Borowitz
  14. “Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.” -Dave Barry
  15. “I would give my dad what he really wants on Father’s Day, but I can’t afford to move out yet.” -Melanie White
  16. “For Father’s Day we got my dad a t-shirt that says ‘Do Not Resuscitate.’ He wears it whenever mom takes him to the ballet.” -Greg Tamblyn
  17. “Father’s Day: When you get that lethal combination of alcohol and new power tools.” -David Letterman
  18. “Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.” -Jack Handy
  19. “You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” -Jerry Seinfeld
  20. “When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” -Dave Attell
  21. “I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” -Rita Rudner

What are your favorite funny Father’s Day quotes?

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Dad mug image via Shutterstock

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